


The Seven Deadly Sins

by BastilleWolf



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Dubious Consent, F/M, Hydra (Marvel), Psychological Torture, Seven Deadly Sins, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-02-09 11:02:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18636820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BastilleWolf/pseuds/BastilleWolf
Summary: During his time as the Soldier, Bucky thought he had already seen everything. He had been through all sorts of horrors. He genuinely thought it couldn’t get any worse until he met you. He fell in love with the woman who made sure he succumbed to darkness.





	1. Gluttony

On a cold winter night, a lonely snowflake scaled down the big oak tree looming over the dark base of HYDRA. The wind rushed it towards one of the only windows in the building, reinforced with metal bars only a god would be able to break. It grazed over the concrete walls and melted as soon as it hit the figure curled up in a ball on the floor. The man was barely breathing.

Bucky wanted it all to end. They had left him here to die, he was sure of it. He hadn’t seen or heard anyone pass his cell in days, maybe even weeks. It was a quiet relief that it would soon all be over, after everything he’d been through. After everything he had done.

He thought of the man he had dreamed about the other night. It was very peculiar because this dream hadn’t turned out to be a nightmare like most would. It was confusing all the same, but at least it was peaceful.

He saw a young man in front of him, golden blonde hair and blue eyes. He was talking to him, he called him ‘Bucky’. He asked if he had any spare newspapers because his were all soaked from the rain. He heard his own laugh, something he didn’t know he was capable of doing. “I’m pretty sure with all the money you spent on getting newspapers you could’ve bought yourself a smaller pair of shoes, buddy.” The man, Steve, glared at him before he had woken up in cold sweat.

His stomach growled and his stomach twisted painfully. It was perhaps a worse feeling than the cold. At least he had gotten used to the cold. They travelled around a lot, around all parts of the world where it seemed to constantly be freezing and when they felt like he was no longer of any use to them, they would put him back under ice. Those were only discomforts, but the hunger was constant.

He didn’t know if this was some punishment because his last mission hadn’t been successful. He had completed his orders, yes, but he had let a sobbing little girl escape when he should’ve left no witnesses. He didn’t know why he had done it. He had killed children before without a second glace because it was his mission, yet those blue, watery eyes had somehow pierced his soul. It was the same shade as the ones from the man in his dreams. When he had gotten back to base, they showed him a picture of the little girl, her blood-soaked corpse lying on a heap of snow. Next thing he knew he was thrown in a cell and left there to rot.

They had never let him starve before however, as much as they had wanted to. They needed to keep his strength up enough for him to complete his duties as the Winter Soldier. It was why he pondered if they had finally let him be. And truthfully, if they had, he would be at peace with it.

He didn’t know who he was, he had no one to remember, he had no one here he would leave behind. How horrible was it to wish for all the pain to stop?

He had difficulty keeping his eyes open, even though his teeth were chattering so hard he was sure he would even keep the rats awake. It got dark very quickly.

He was snapped wide awake with his neck aching from the awkward position he had fallen asleep in. Two soldiers were dragging him through the grey, dimly lit hallways and he didn’t struggle against it. He just stared lifelessly at the passing tiles beneath him. He was preparing himself. Either for the pain or the sweet release of death.

 

Alas, it appeared he was spared another day. He was armed with guns and knives and strapped up in his stealth suit, which felt like it was a few sizes too big for him. They had to use a belt to keep his pants up around his bony waist.

He wondered if this was some sort of suicide mission they wanted him to go on. He wasn’t prepared for battle, and it seemed like all of the soldiers and doctors around him knew it too. They looked at him differently for some reason, yet he couldn’t figure out why. They sent him out an hour later.

He had stumbled his way through all of the people he had somehow managed to murder, his foggy brain only now noticing the three bullets spread across his chest while the adrenaline was wearing off. He didn’t even remember getting shot. He could only feel the weight of the gun in his hands and the warm blood, his or someone else’s, soaking his clothes. He had stumbled and finally fallen to the floor.

When they brought him back to base, they had finally given him his first meal in weeks after they’d patched him up. It was a loaf of bread and a chunk of cheese, neither of them moldy. He had devoured it within seconds, in fear of them taking all of it away, and had hurled most of it back up later that night. His shrunken stomach couldn’t handle the sudden large quantity of food.

Even though he was dry heaving over the thing he had to call a toilet, the corner of his mouth had quirked up. He was now able to remember what bread and cheese tasted like. It was something he could remember and think of when he felt like he was being sucked into darkness. Right now, however, it made him gag.

It turned out to be some sort of routine the doctors were playing with. Whenever he failed or disobeyed, they would punish him by letting him starve. But whenever he succeeded, they would give him something new to try each time, going from fruit to an actual steak. It was something he was able to look forward to each time. Something that gave him a sense of purpose.

Unbeknownst to Bucky, he wasn’t tasting as many new things. He would be wiped every so often and forget, only to start the whole process all over again.

He managed to keep executing his duties perfectly and he didn’t gag every time he ate anymore. They had moved him into a different room, one that had an actual bed and even a separate bathroom with a shower. For years they had hosed him down every time they thought he got coated in blood or reeked too badly, so the sudden change of heart made him more than wary.

This is how things went for a few weeks. He grew accustomed to it and felt more alive than he had in a long time. He grew his strength back bit by bit, even managed to get some sleep without any nightmares one day.

He knew it wouldn’t last.

The horrid day came when he fucked up.

It wasn’t a big mission either, which made it all the worse for him. The person he was supposed to protect was killed because he hadn’t noticed the sniper hiding on the roof. A rookie mistake.

He was back in that cold little cell the next day and he cried. Cried out to no one, really. No one he could remember.

Next mission felt the same as the one after he’d first left his cell, only this time he was far more crazed and determined. He was angry, mostly at himself, but he took it out on the targets around him. When his bullets ran out, he continued with his knives. And when he’d lost his knives, he continued with his hands.

It wasn’t just a hunger for food anymore. It was a hunger for blood he felt.

When he was done, he fell to his knees on the floor coated in glassy, dark red blood. He stared at his hands and wondered why they were shaking.

 

An agent in leather took a hesitant step towards the woman intently staring at the Soldier. The red emblem of HYDRA stood out on the darkness of his uniform. “Ma'am?” he asked, failing to keep a steady voice.

Eyes never leaving Bucky’s shivering form through the one-way mirror, a dark smirk appeared upon her face. “Oh, I think he’ll do just fine,” she replied.

 

**GLUTTONY.**


	2. Sloth

Bang. Bang. Bang. Click. Reload. Grenade. Bang.

Bucky’s ears focused on the sounds of his own weaponry routine as he dove through another building. He barely heard the screams around him anymore. It made it easier.

His dark-rimmed eyes scanned the corpse-ridden floor as he twirled a knife in his hand. This should have been a stealth operation, he shouldn’t have used his gun. But if he had taken everyone down with just his knives or hands he would have toppled over from exhaustion within minutes. He didn’t care if they were going to scold him for his disobedience anymore, didn’t care if they were going to let him starve again. Let them just get on with it and see that he was of no use anymore.

Before everything, before the war and death, before HYDRA… He had a good life. It wasn’t perfect, he knew that. It was difficult to pull together the money to pay the rent. Steve’s medical bills added to that, he had to work his ass off every single day. He didn’t have any parents who’d look out for him anymore, he had to make do with what he had. But it was a good life. It kept him going.

When he joined the war, he sent every penny to Steve and his sister. They needed it more than he did. He’d write to them, tell them he was doing fine. Never told them how much he missed them. He didn’t want them to get any stupid ideas. Steve, in particular. No, they couldn’t know how much it had _wrecked_ him to leave them behind. With every trudge through the mud, with every downfall of rain, with every cut in his skin, he thought of them. And it kept him going.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Click. Reload. Grenade. Bang.

He looked down at his bloodied hands. They were scarred, ridden with cracks and blue blotches. Like the rest of his skin. Where the metal lined with his skin. Where they had stuck the needles over and over again. He felt nothing when he looked at it. He barely felt anything, anymore.

The occasional confusion when he saw a flash of a blonde fella grasping his shoulder and smiling at him. He didn’t know who that was. It made the nights worse. The more of the blonde fella he saw, the more nightmares he was destined to go through. It was as if his mind was giving him this bad omen.

“Soldat!”, another agent yelled. He’d been sent on the mission with him, for god know what reasons. He used to do missions by himself. Bucky didn’t hear the soldier. He heard his heart steadily pumping in his chest along with every breath he inhaled and exhaled.

Then he felt his cheek sting. He glanced up at the agent who still had his hand raised after striking him with it. “Soldat!” The agent repeated. Bucky didn’t hear him. He shot the man.

What was he doing it for?

For the bad omen who somehow comforted him throughout the infinite amount of nightmares?

For the endless missions, to make the world a better place?

For all the lives he was ending, to make sure these people would no longer be a threat?

No.

He wanted it all to stop.

And the chair that hurt so much stopped working. The threats from his superiors were nothing but hollow words. The freezing box left him feeling cold but didn’t fill the emptiness inside of him.

He was done.

 

* * *

 

 

The main doctor of the base straightened his lab coat, took a deep breath and knocked on the pale door in front of him. When he heard a “come in”, he entered the office and hesitantly took a seat at the desk in front of the woman he now called his boss.

“Ma’am, he hasn’t been following orders anymore… I’m very sorry, but I don’t think this is working,” he told her. She didn’t move her gaze from the TV screen, where recent security footage was playing. “I see,” she replies, “But I would have to disagree with you, doctor. I think it’s working marvelously.”

“…Ma’am?”

“I never wanted it to ‘work’ in the first place. I needed to break him first before I would be able to mend him. I have him right where I want him to be. That’ll be all, doctor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait and the short chapter. I just finished my exams and I'm trying to get back to my writing groove again. Hope you enjoyed, and please let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> This work was also posted by me on Tumblr (@Bastillewolf). Please leave a comment! I love to hear from you.


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